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What Slutty Fordham Costume You Should Wear this Halloween

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What Slutty Fordham Costume You Should Wear this Halloween

Madilyn Grey

10.31.17


Read Time: 4 minutes.

Halloween got ya stumped? Are you trying to balance your costume so that it’ll get your crush’s attention, yet at the same time say, “creative thinking went into this and I totally didn’t wear it just because my butt looks fire in lycra”? You want something original. Inspired. Groundbreaking.

Well, you’re in luck.


Fordham is a low-key gold mine for creative-yet-slutty costume ideas. If you sport one of these costumes this Halloween, your crush won’t only want you, they’re going to want your outfit too. It’s not easy being the best and the hottest in the room. Get ready to slaughter each and every costume contest (including ours) you come across this Halloween. You can thank me later.


Adult Fordham Prep XXX Costume

While all the basic bitches will be dressed as school girls this Halloween, do your part to stand out by dressing like a school boy. You’re going to need a few friends to do this costume because the Prep bros only travel in groups of 27. Dress in khaki pants, a button-down shirt, and a tie. Blazer and/or Fordham Prep sweatshirt is optional. Stand outside of Cosi and brag about your Fake ID and the girl you are inviting to homecoming that you’re totally going to hook up with at the after-party. Bad boys.


A Promiscuous Caf Cat or Black Squirrel

Everyone knows that the hardcore girls wear some type of lingerie and animal ears for Halloween. Make your basic costume better by being a Fordham campus creature. For the cat, trick people into feeding you all night, preferably outside of McGinley. Do this by sitting under one of the bushes and staring at passing students until they’re so uncomfortable by your presence that they give you a piece of their leftover cafeteria sandwich. As for the squirrel, do this costume with a friend. Chase each other around on all fours the entire night while only taking breaks to climb a nearby tree at an alarmingly rapid pace. People will be extremely confused yet at the same time very intrigued by your random presence. SO hot right now.


A Sexy Bad Girl

Want to look like a literal snack this Halloween? Then a Sexy Bad Girl is the costume for you. A Bad Girl from Rams. Yes, the sandwich. This costume is so easy to execute, too. All you need is bread crumbs, 80 or so pieces of bacon, 105 avocados, five pounds of pepper jack cheese, a bathtub full of sriracha and ranch, a five foot long roll, and half a year's supply of tin foil. Simply marinate yourself in the sriracha and ranch mixture for no longer than an hour, but no less than twenty minutes. Then, proceed to cover your entire body with the breadcrumbs. Don’t be afraid to really get in there; every crevice should be covered. Execute this same step with the bacon, avocado, and cheese. Finish by sandwiching yourself into the roll. Recruit at least three friends to wrap you tightly in the tin foil. If you do not have said number of friends, I suggest the Bumble app. These people should wrap you two to three times all over with the tin foil. Head and face, too.
Can you say yum? In the words of the American lyricist extraordinaire, Fergie, “T to the A to the S-T-E-Y, girl you tasty.”


Slutty Eddie’s

Want a costume that will definitely get you laid? Laid on, that is? Then you should dress as a slutty Edward’s Parade. No one will be able to resist your soft sod and freshly mowed (or not, whatever you’re into) lawn. To really add the wow-factor to your costume, try one or more of the following:
  • Accessorize with a frisbee hat
  • Surround yourself with shirtless try-hards, or a poorly hidden stoner circle set
  • Invite people to play Spike Ball on you
  • Hold a “Group 17” orientation sign- a clan of freshmen will flock to you in no time


Hot Adderall

If you want everybody to want you this Halloween, and I mean everybody, dress as hot adderall. Nothing could be sexier than the human embodiment of the reason why a portion of the Fordham population has managed to not fail out of school yet.

Suggested pickup line to use on someone wearing this costume: “Is your name Addy? Because I’m all hopped up on you.”


Sultry Meal Swipe

For this costume you must first have a meal plan. If you do not, buy one. I suggest the unlimited platinum plan. It costs a mere $3,875. You then must get the phrase, “FREE FOOD,” tattooed across your forehead. Bear with me here, because this costume is a winner. You then take your Fordham ID and tape it onto your chest. Duct tape or even Gorilla Glue will work best to ensure your platinum meal plan is secure. That’s it. That is all you wear. Literally show up naked with the tattoo on your face and ID on your chest. Wear nothing else that will distract from the fact that your costume is actually worth four grand.

Wearer discretion is advised. Costumes recommended for use by those 18 years and older.