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An Ode to Parents Weekend

humor

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525
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Fordham University

campus

- experimental

An Ode to Parents Weekend

Fiona Shea

10.27.17

The anticipated morning arrives:
Your parents are on their way.
A hangover shower is needed,
Time to rally for the day.

A few missed calls await you,
A few hundred missed texts appear -
Quick! Hide the empty bottles!
Your parents are almost here!

They show up at your dorm,
Fordham gear head-to-toe.
Your headache is pounding wildly,
Off to the tailgates you go.

“Let’s stop at The Blend for some coffee,”
They proclaim with pure delight.
“I think you mean The Grille?” you sigh,
“Oh, yes, honey, you’re right!!!”

They’re walking much too quickly,
Greeting everyone they see,
Taking excessive pictures of Keating,
Asking questions like banshees.

“Which friend is she?” “Whose mother is his?”
“When will we see Father McShane?”
You’re on the brink of lashing out,
A nearing tantrum is on the brain.

“Ice down that Mike’s Hard Lemonade,”
Your mom utters with a smirk.
She is clearly unfamiliar
With your drinking handiwork.

They’ll beg you to stop by the chapel,
To ride the ram for Facebook.
Your numbed face from smiling
Has been completely overlooked.

A reunion with an old friend
Your parents haven't seen since ‘84.
You sit back and observe the chaos
Until they make moves towards the bookstore.

Your dad is in his element,
Watching the college guys booze,
Awkwardly approaching the football players -
A situation that cannot be diffused.

Strolling down Arthur Ave,
A curious peek into Mugz’s,
Feigning for a glimpse inside...
Are your parents trying to get saucy?

Michelangelo’s for dinner,
Real indulgence at its finest.
Your dad slips you a twenty,
Now you’re out of your financial crisis.

With a tight embrace goodbye,
You forget that you were ever embarrassed,
And in that moment you realize
That you truly love your parents.